wow2.

i'm still excited, heh.

wow.

so today i go for group therapy, and we're all talking about how we try to fit into different 'roles', and live up to expectations, and don't say what's really on our mind.

i got all excited when we talking about not editing what we say before we say it. can you imagine that? i mean, so i guess if we were a group of aggressive, loud-mouthed, obnoxious jerks that wouldn't be so great. BUT. this is a group of people pleasing, nurturing, caregiver-esque folks. wouldn't you like to know what's REALLY on their mind?

and then it leads me to think....i would really want to marry someone who is able to be himself no matter where he is, or who he is. respectful and real. not conflict avoiding, loving, totally comfortable being a source of discomfort.

omg. i'm so excited.

mirror on the wall

Today I spent some time staring at myself in the mirror, and feeling surprised that I am Chinese/Asian/Singaporean. It's funny because ever since I've come overseas, I haven't really thought of myself that way. Some of it, I think, is because I hang out with non-Singaporeans/non-Asian people for a significant portion of my time that I've kind of become oblivious to myself - it's like gaining your identity from people around you. Some of it too is just that Singaporeans have a great aptitude (I think) for assimilating into whatever environment you give them, just because Singapore hasn't really done a great job of branding itself. I don't know what to tell people when they ask me what Singapore is about. America is Hollywood. America is Macdonalds. America is Obama. Singapore is....? In my heart I can say Singapore is chicken rice, and ERP, and sheltered walkways everywhere. But how do I explain that to someone overseas? And because they don't understand it, I don't communicate it. And because I don't communicate it, I don't feel it. And I start to have this vague notion of my cultural identity.

I looked in the mirror and was very surprised that I am tan, and I have Asian features. It's a funny feeling.